


Drowning

by Burgie



Category: Star Stable Online
Genre: Gen, tw: attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 04:33:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11866788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: Justin contemplates drowning.





	Drowning

As Justin sat in the barrel, he accepted his fate. He was going to die. This was it. His final moments. And, to his surprise, Justin was almost looking forward to it. Finally, an end to those endless days of feeling like a failure because he couldn't do magic. An end to feeling useless. He couldn't change himself, and himself was something that nobody wanted. His grandfather didn't want him. His father didn't want him. Who would want a failure? Justin closed his eyes and waited for the end.

He opened his eyes when a loud alarm blared in the base. No. No, he was this close to freedom, this close, and... and what? Maybe the base was burning down. Maybe he'd find his release that way. But...

There was no smoke. No fire. Just the alarm, calling the Generals inside the base. Justin gritted his teeth as tears streamed down his face. It wasn't fair.

There was a commotion on the helipad, but Justin didn't notice. He'd turned his attention, instead, to trying to get the barrel to move. Maybe he could do one thing right. He shoved his weight to one side, but the barrel didn't budge. And then, he began to rock. First to one side, the wrong side, and then the other. The barrel tilted, but didn't fall. Justin growled in frustration and used his entire body, raising his hands into the air to get more momentum. He pushed, and the barrel rocked again. And again. And...

Justin saw the stars tilt as he fell, and he could have wept with relief. The air was cold against his skin, but that was okay. Justin would only feel it for a while. He heard a scream, but it wasn't him. And then, all he heard was a splash before water rushed into his ears and he plunged into the icy depths. Maybe a shark would eat him.

But then, a hand appeared, pale through the gloom, and Justin saw a horse's leg plunge into the water beside him. No! This couldn't be right! He was supposed to be left there to drown, lost in all the commotion, not be rescued. But Justin couldn't swim away. He was still stuck in the barrel. And then he was pulled onto the back of a horse, and his body gasped for air and wrapped his arms around the girl in front of him.

"Hold on," the girl murmured, and Justin sobbed and shivered against her.

Weeks later, Justin thought of this moment as he stood on South Hoof's rocky, sandy shore. The ocean hadn't been able to claim him last time. He'd been rescued, before he could do everyone a favour. But now, there was nobody here to stop him. His father was talking to the hermit, and there was nobody else around. Looking out at the rough water, Justin felt oddly at peace. Even if he failed at drowning, the waves would dash him against the shore and he'd bleed out or break his skull open on the rocks. Or maybe he'd catch a lucky current and be dragged out. Away from everything. Away from everyone. He wanted to leave. Everyone else would be better off without him. The island would be better without him. Even Jorvik Stables hadn't fallen apart in his absence.

Someone appeared. Justin turned and told them to go away, that he just wanted to leave. They left. Of course they did. It was a sign. Justin felt oddly calm as he began to fill his pants pockets with rocks. The ocean would claim him, dragging him under, and nobody would know. Finally, after killing his own mother coming into this world, Justin could do the world a favour. He could make up for his mistakes. And, as he left this world, Justin would be hurting nobody. Even his father would only grieve for a while. Though, it would be cruel to leave him... Justin's hands trembled. No! He had to do this, he had to-

"Justin?" Justin turned, and saw his saviour.

"I told you to go away," said Justin.

"Come look at the wild horses with me," said his hero. "Then, if you still want to leave, you can leave."

"Alright," said Justin, pulling the rocks out of his pockets and flinging them into the water so as not to hurt the horse. It did give him some joy as the rocks plunged into the water. And then, Justin turned his back on the ocean and climbed onto the back of the horse that had saved him.


End file.
